Diatribe

I love free shit.  In a good, healthy way - not in the call-the-hoarders-show kind of way.  When I tell stories of how I got free stuff it is reminiscent of my grandparents telling boring stories about farming, roller skates, and flowered feed sacks.  And I realize you are not interested in my tale of triumph, but come on, FREE!  And, yes, I also realize that the lengths to which I will go to get free shit sometimes defeat the purpose.  Finally, I'm only sort of good at things (my freaking life story) - I'm sure that my approach to freebies is not particularly admirable and that others are way better at it (there are websites dedicated to that kind of obsession) - but I'm still going to be proud of that $25 Barnes and Noble gift card and use it with zeal. 

Sidenote: Huge downside to the internet is that we are now more aware of how absolutely useless we are at shit.  Before the internet, we could be sort of good at something and feel a little smug and superior, or be the first to hear a band, try a new fashion, or whatever, now, trust me, you aren't first, it's already been done, and there are a bazillion people who do it better than you, AND I know all this because of Wikipedia or Google.  Totally depressing.


Carrying on.  So I've snagged some pretty magnificent shit for free.  I'd say the crown jewel is the golf clubs.  Yup, whole set and a nice bag - not a name brand or anything, but hell, I don't really golf a whole lot so who 'effing cares? I thought I'd like to hit the links a few times because my hubby likes to golf, but didn't want to throw down $$ for clubs, and I got these damn things free, so (needless to say) I was pretty pleased with myself.  How I got them is a long story and it involves a box of balloons, water sprites, and a kazoo.   

Pretty much 95% of the free shit I've received throughout my life has come directly from rewards programs.  This is where the "more effort than it is worth" usually comes up in the conversation.   Whatever.  Worth it.  I've been using "My Points" since college and I've redeemed my points for hundreds in gift cards over the years.  Hell yeah!

Anyway, my love-free-shit attitude and swagger was grossly encroached about a year ago.  In fact, my efforts to maintain a pro-free-shit outlook have suffered ever since.  There used to be this sweet program at Walgreens where you could send in for monthly rebates.  You got this little book thing, and there were around 25 items that you could get rebates on - sometimes for the whole goddamn price of the product.  You had to be savvy, because prices at Walgreens are usually convenience-store-inflated.  But if you were patient, the products in the books would eventually go on sale (and if you had a coupon for the item it was like free shit heaven).  To top it off, you could elect to get your rebate in the form of a Walgreens gift card and the wily bastards would add 10% onto the total rebate.  Sweet jesus it was a gloriously fun thing to do - clip coupons, watch adds, and get rebates.  I figured out the program and was happily receiving gift cards every month.  At one point I had received more than $150 back in rebates - which meant we got a lot of free shit.  Then the pricks at Walgrees decided that the program would have to go far far away (this also conveniently coincided with the US economy committing suicide).  If that wasn't bad enough, Walgreens added insult to my injury and said, WAIT, we have improved our old program called Register Rewards, and its better and easier than rebates.  I said, EFF YOU, Walgreens, because your crap Register Rewards expire in a week, and ya know what, I just cannot commit to visiting your shit store that flipping often.  Pissed. Me. Off.  So much so, that my soul-crushing experience has translated into a complete lack of will power to continue to seek out free shit.